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Vogon Poetry

September 23, 2015 Leave a comment

Oh freddled gruntbuggly,

Thy micturations are to meAs plurdled gabbleblotchits on a lurgid bee.

Groop, I implore thee, my foonting turlingdromes,

And hooptiously drangle me with crinkly bindlewurdles,

Or I will rend thee in the gobberwarts

With my blurglecruncheon, see if I don’t!

— Prostetnic Vogon Jeltz

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Categories: humour Tags: ,

Ladies and gentlemen, behold! A joke!

January 18, 2015 Leave a comment

Sometimes I get sent a joke which is too good to just delete and forget about. This is one of them.

On a bitterly cold winter morning an Irish husband and wife in Dublin were listening to the radio during breakfast. They heard the announcer say, “We are going to have 8 to 10 inches of snow today. You must park your car on the even-numbered side of the street, so the snow ploughs can get through”

So the good wife went out and moved her car.

A week later while they are eating breakfast again, the radio announcer said, “We are expecting 10 to 12 inches of snow today. You must park your car on the odd-numbered side of the street, so the snow ploughs can get through” The good wife went out and moved her car again.

The next week they are again having breakfast, when the radio announcer says, “We are expecting 12 to 14 inches of snow today. You must park….” Then the electric power went out. The good wife was very upset, and with a worried look on her face she said, “I don’t know what to do. Which side of the street do I need to park on so the snow ploughs can get through?”

Then with the love and understanding in his voice that all men who are married to blondes exhibit, the husband replied,

“Why don’t you just leave the bloody car in the garage this time.”

I’ll just leave this here

November 28, 2014 Leave a comment

A little old man shuffled slowly into an ice cream parlour and pulled himself slowly, painfully, up onto a stool… After catching his breath, he ordered a banana split.
The waitress asked kindly, ‘Crushed nuts?’
‘No,’ he replied, ‘Arthritis.’

Categories: humour, joke Tags: , ,
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